My sea-change

Shortly after bringing the twins home, we got a van. Sliding doors, plenty of room, anchors to safely secure and configure multiple car seats in a variety of ways. With this van, came the luxury of a DVD player. I always thought I’d be that parent who only used it for trips…long trips…

One snowy Sunday evening in December, David and I decided to load the kids up in the van and take a drive to look at Christmas lights. We got the kids in their jammies, stopped by a gas station for some hot chocolate, and turned on the DVD player to treat the kids to a movie for the drive. It was a memory I will never forget and hopefully a tradition we can continue over the years.

That DVD player has been used multiple times a week since—short trips; trips across town; trips from daycare to home; trips from home to grandma and grandpas. As a way to distract toddlers from removing hats, boots, and socks after spending 15 minutes putting them on. As a way to bribe unruly toddlers to get strapped into their car seats without competing in a strength contest. And although I still don’t want to be those parents, we are. Someday soon, I plan to ease out of that habit…feel free to judge us for the time being.

With that being said, the movie on replay in our van lately is Finding Nemo. While I’m not able to watch while I’m driving along (although I have seen it plenty of times), I have been listening closer than ever.

All I can say is Dory, I get you girl.

Mom. Brain. Fog / Memory loss. It’s a real thing. I initially thought it was caused by major sleep deprivation but all 3 of our children are sleeping through the night, so that excuse is no longer valid.

Even things just as simple as talking. I know the words I want to say, I form them in my head, and then they disappear, never making it from the mush of my brain down off my tongue. In one nanosecond, I either forget what word it is I wanted to say or I forget what I was saying all together.

Username and passwords? Are you kidding me? I check the box for Remember This Password and the only recollection I have from there on out are the dots that replace it forever. Thank goodness for the person who thought to make a Forgot Password button…I use it often.

I’m even embarrassed to admit how many times I search for my keys on a weekly basis…

While listening to Dory’s constant confusion and personal struggle, I relate. As humans (more so than fish although sometimes I wonder…) even as magnificent as our brains are, I’m pretty sure there are capacity limits, and some days, I feel so close to the full-o-meter that I’m certain my brain is shutting off functions.

Oh my beloved coffee—you make things worse! I think Dory would have drove more than herself nuts had she indulged in a little caffeine.

I still love my coffee.

I think I’ve found a cure. It’s not easy, it’s not quick, but it’s necessary and it’s a major 2017 goal for me…

I am realizing that as we settle into our family of 5—considering how fast we went from praying for kids to having three—I’m just now catching up. I am having to do some major personal evaluating of what I need to let go, because I can’t hold onto it all. And that’s ok!

To let go of the busyness that clouds my thoughts and gives me a major case of mom brain. 

To clean out the clutter of worry and guilt about whether I should have done more/better/less. There’s no room for you. It’s now filled with three beautiful children who really request very little of me in return. Besides the feeding, diapering, bathing, and nurturing, they really just want me to be present with them.

To remember that there is a season for everything and it all doesn’t have to be done by me, right now, perfectly.

In the hustle and bustle of this season we are in, I will focus on making more room than ever by letting go of the unnecessary things that clutter up space.

Mom brain (and all that’s no longer essential), you can just keep swimming…I’ll stay right here.

“Whatever passage you’re facing—entering your twenties or your sixties, facing life alone for the first time in a long time or learning the new dance of partnership, becoming a parent or becoming an empty-nester, leaving student life behind or becoming a student once again—has the potential to be your sea-change, your invitation to leave behind what’s not essential and travel deeply into the heart of things. This is a pattern we can recreate all our lives, over and over, because who’s ever totally finished leaving things behind?” – Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

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I very, very highly recommend this read!

 

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The year of the jet plane

Time flies…and not just at the speed of a bird peacefully gliding along but as a jet plane propelling ahead faster than the speed of sound. That’s my life right now.

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And that has caused me some major anxiety.

It’s funny when you are a child growing up, time can’t go fast enough. You wish the days away until the next fun event, until you are bigger, until you have more independence, constantly wishing for the future to arrive. Eager.

I am sure that my parents felt this same anxiety as I was wishing to grow up faster and they were wishing to keep me their baby forever, just as I am today.

These are the days I wished for, and if I could press pause, I would. Repeatedly.

I constantly feel like it’s running through my hands like sand.

And just like that, I blinked and we are now approaching Evan’s first birthday.

2016, I loved you but you went far, far too fast for me!

Here’s a recap of our year:

  • We rung in 2016 with the twins and one on the way.
  • Evan was born on a very cold January day.
  • In June, we moved to a new home.
  • The twins grew into little toddlers!
  • We enjoyed summer playing at the park and going for stroller rides.
  • Evan started walking at 10 1/2 months old so he could keep up with his siblings.
  • Aria started talking more and more and has become miss independent.
  • Myles perfected his jumping skills and prefers to jump everywhere.

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Cheers to a wonderful (and hopefully slower) 2017!